It’s been a big 12 months, and never did I think at the start of the year I’d be sitting here taking stock in the way that I am. I couldn’t imagine that I’d be a year post-graduation still without a degree related job, I didn’t think I’d still be at my hospitality job of 6 years, truthfully I didn’t envisage myself as single and I thought I’d be toasting out 2017 in a much more joyful way. Instead it’s been a hard year and I’m still a bit shellshocked by it all.
A year full of graduate applications, Seek emails and SmartJobs logins. A year of disappointment after disappointment, health hiccups and not really that many highlights. Applying for jobs to constant dead air (most applications haven’t even received a courtesy “thanks but no” email) and trying to keep a brave face as each month ticks by without a successful interview when I’ve been warning my boss all year that he won’t have me for much longer has been the worst part. I’ve had good interviews, great feedback and I’ve gotten a heap of application and interview experience but nothing has managed to cinch it yet despite being so sure on so many occasions. I thought I’d finish uni and find a job within a few months, but (if you’ve ever searched for a job you’ll know) this has not occurred, and maybe QUT “University for the Real World” has been feeding us all lies for years because this is no where near what I imagined the real world to be on the day I graduated.
I also had a health thing this year that I haven’t yet spoken about on the blog, after a week of pain which I thought was appendix related I was diagnosed with an ovarian cyst and had surgery to remove it at the end of August, which was a big month of ups and downs. I’m glad that’s over, I’m still a bit anxious about abdominal pain because of it but the worst is done and I’ve recovered well, considering it was caught early and wasn’t nearly as bad as it could have been.
Through these (many) hiccups and disappointments I’ve learnt you can’t rely on anyone but yourself, expectations and sure things are never as fulfilled as they could be or as sure as they seem and you’ve got to back yourself and be so involved in yourself because everyone else is running their own race and sometimes you just won’t feature on their priority list. This day last year, smiling as I was blissfully unaware of how disappointing the “Real World” would be
So many times this year I’ve imagined how things would turn out, how that interview would go, how someone would respond to a conversation, how I’d get that ticket or that phone call to make it all worth it. And each and every time nothing has turned out as I imagined it ahead of time. But that’s taught me that maybe these things I’m expecting weren’t destined to be right, weren’t what I was meant to be doing or where I was meant to be. I’ve learnt to trust in where I am and where I’m heading because although it may be the last thing I imagined it’s what’s supposed to happen (I guess). Everything has to happen for a reason or why occur at all, and I think 2017 has been a bit crappy because I’m meant to learn something from it. I’m a much different person now than I was at the end of last year and that is because of all the things that have happened. I trust that things will turn out – in their own time and not necessarily how I thought they would, I’m so much more willing to seek new opportunities and different paths than the ones I would normally. I’m set on doing things for myself not anyone else, to let the right things come to me and not try to push different options away because I had a path mapped out in my head.
The absolute best part of 2017 has been Pepper, my baby niece. She’s brought so much joy to a year that otherwise would have been a write off. I’m so grateful for that tiny child as she’s been the bright spark and has bookmarked 2017 as the year she was born rather than just a “gap year” (as it will say on my resume).
I’m sure in a few years I’ll read this back and cringe at how dramatic and melancholy I am currently, and hopefully by then this will have all sorted itself out (future Holly, please tell me it has). I hope 2017 has been kinder to you, or if it hasn’t I hope you’ve managed to take the good from it in any way you can.